Heartache
by XdanniX
Summary: Judge John Deed. Jo Mills leaves and what happens when John Deed is in a car accident and Jo comes back only to be confronted by his new love?
1. Sad Farewell

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the BBC's characters

Chapter 1

Jo Mills grabbed her carry on luggage and exited the airport lounge and swiftly walked toward the gate to board her plane to Australia. As she approached gate number 6 she saw a pale and nervous looking John Deed pacing back and forth with his head in his hands in front of the gate. Jo quickly turned around and took in a deep breath before taking on the toughest challenge of her life, saying goodbye to John for the last time.

"Jo, please don't leave," John begged looking up as Jo purposefully strode towards him.

"I have to John, this has to end between you and I. We just go in this never ending circle and I'm the one hurt every time. I can't get hurt by you again John. I don't want to end up hating you."

"Jo, I love you please, I never wanted it to end this way," John said stammering for words.

"How did you expect it to end John? What with you always go for the short skirts, you always have. Do you not remember when we first met?" Jo said as if it was common knowledge, which it was.

"Of course I do, but things have changed, I want to commit to, I want to marry you. Jo, you're the only woman I've ever truly loved," john said straight from the heart.

"I know and that's the reason you just thought that you could do whatever you wanted and I'd always come back to you. You never saw the pain that you've caused me," Jo said with tears brimming her eyes.

"I….I….I never meant to, all I ever wanted to do was love you," John bumbled through the beginning of genuine tears. Then an announcement over the airport intercom interrupted their goodbye 'final boarding call for flight 681 to Melbourne, Australia.'

"That's me, I……. have to go," was all Jo could say through a pool of tears.

"Please don't, I'll do anything, anything just stay and give us one last go, I love you," John sincerely pledged. Jo could see the honesty and pain in John's eyes and she couldn't help but think what if he changed this time? No she wouldn't and couldn't think like that, not again, it's what she did every time and even though John always really wanted to change he never did. Jo would end up forgiving him and then he'd lie and they'd up but at the start.

"I can't John, you only want me when you can't have me and every time I forgive you, the pattern repeats itself again. I need to leave, for me, if you really love me John then let me go," Jo croaked through her tears.

Jo leaned in and passionately and deeply kissed John for the final time, with all the unresolved and never spoken emotions bubbling between them. Jo pulled away and whispered "I love you," as she turned to board the plane.

"One last thing John, was it worth it? Were they worth it?" Jo said just audibly, referring to John's affairs and all the women he had been with and lied about to Jo. She just couldn't stop her anger and curiosity from over taking her and the aching in her heart from all the broken pieces that John continually broke and put back together. Though every time he put it back together a couple of pieces wouldn't fit and Jo knew that eventually her heart would be incapable of healing. John stood glued to the spot speechless, unable to comprehend what he had just lost and as he saw Jo turn around to briefly look at him for the last time before she disappeared out of his life forever he whispered

"I love you."


	2. The Accident

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the BBC's characters

Chapter 2

Jo had spent just two years in Melbourne, Australia still working as a barrister and it already felt like a life time. Her mobile had over 50 missed calls and messages from John Deed that she had refused to answer or listen to. The thing that upset her the most was that the calls had stopped coming a year and a half ago. She even stopped picking up her phone and looking at John's number everyday, a year ago. The hardest thing that Jo found with moving on was not looking back, to John. She had only been on a couple of dates in the two years and they had all ended after the first date because none of them compared to John. Whenever she looked into their eyes she saw John and then couldn't shake the feeling of John being there for the rest of the night. Jo's friends in the office tried to encourage her to get out there and have some fun, but nothing seemed to cheer her up. She instead turned to the scotch and whiskey bottles to drown her sorrows, though nothing seemed to numb her pain. Jo found that whenever it was raining she liked to go out for a walk, because no one knew that she was crying. She kept to herself and even though the silence was almost unbearable, anything was better than going out with people she didn't like, to have them remind her of John's company, which she so sorely missed. He visited her every night in her dreams and Jo was frustrated to find that the image of his face was slowly deteriorating and would soon be no more. John wasn't in her life anymore, but he would forever be in her heart.

John sat in his chambers after the conclusion of his latest case, sipping his third glass of whiskey for the day. He glanced over at his mobile, remembering the day he finally stopped calling Jo. It had been a year and a half since then and only a year since he stopped checking his phone everyday for a call or message from Jo. He didn't seem to function properly anymore, like he needed Jo there for some guidance and support. Sometimes love just ain't enough is something John found out the hard way and now he had given up on the hope of ever being in love again. There was a period for about the first six months after Jo left that John found himself drowning his sorrows in bottles of whiskey and scotch and cheap one night stands. He became reckless and it almost cost him his career because he couldn't find the energy needed to fight the LCD and Sir Ian Rochester. It was only because his daughter set him straight, that he started to pull himself together. John started properly dating about a year ago and was currently in a relationship with a nice, warm nurse Nancy Wills. They had been together for about four months, though Nancy was a fine woman, John wasn't happy, but stuck at it because he couldn't stand the silence of being alone. Being alone meant that he had more time to think about Jo and the mess he had made of their relationship and because Nancy was such a bright and positive person she didn't notice that anything wrong. Nancy may be his current interest, but she would never enter his heart because it would always belong to Jo.

John finished his fourth glass of whiskey and then grabbed his keys, before heading out of his chambers to his silver, Mercedes convertible which was parked outside the Judge's entrance to the courthouse. Turning on the ignition John sped out of the car park, struggling to see clearly through his blurred vision. This meant that as John turned the corner he wasn't able to see the oncoming truck until it was too late.

Charlie Deed, John Deed's daughter and only child was spending her evening preparing for a trial next week, when she received a phone call.

"Hello is, that Miss Charlotte Deed?" A voice said in a calm and professional manner.

"Yes it is," Charlie replied cautiously.

"I'm doctor Greg Sanders and I'm afraid I have to inform you that you're father John Deed has been in an accident."


	3. Condition

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the BBC's characters

Chapter 3

Charlie arrived at the hospital a short time later and was met by Nancy, whom she had called on her way there at John's room.

"What's going on? How is he?" Was Charlie's anxious and scared greeting.

"He's in a coma, he has a punctured lung, a few broken ribs, extensive bruising and there could be possible brain damage," Nancy choked through tears.

"Will he wake up?" Charlie cautiously questioned through her own tears.

"The doctors don't know," Nancy stammered. Charlie walked into her father's hospital room and was horrified by what she saw. There lay the normally fierce but recently depleted John Deed, with a white bandage around his head, his eyes closed, face discoloured and cut and with tubes coming out of his arms and chest. Charlie approached John's bed and held his big, rough hand tightly in her contrasting small, smooth hand. Charlie jumped slightly as the door opened to reveal a doctor.

"You must be Charlotte, I'm doctor Sanders. I spoke to you on the phone," the doctor said with sympathy evident in his eyes.

"I prefer Charlie actually. What are my dad's chances?" Charlie said, with her voice cracking.

"Well as I told Miss Wills, there is a possibility that he sustained brain damage, but we can't be sure. For that reason we don't know if or when your father will wake up." After the doctor finished his last sentence both Nancy and Charlie visibly let out a cry.

"I'd say if your father had a positive attitude to his life and was happy, then he's chances will increase. A positive life means patients are normally more likely to put in and fight, instead of giving up," the doctor continued.

"Oh, he was very happy and content," Nancy chirped in feeling the hope restore in her. Charlie warily sighed at Nancy's comment, thinking if only she knew. Charlie was the only person who her father had confided in since Jo left and she knew how unhappy and depressed her father was. She knew that her father wasn't as enthusiastic about Nancy's and his relationship as she believed. Charlie knew that Nancy would only end up getting hurt because Jo was the only one her dad would ever love.

"That's good," the doctor said breaking Charlie's chain of thoughts and looking at her sceptically, he said "most doctors believe comatose patients are able to still subconsciously hear conversations around them. I'm one of those doctors and I believe that if people he loves are close by and talk to him, then that will also dramatically improve his chances, by trying to stimulate his brain. I'd also say that you want to be prepared for the worst case scenario and be prepared to say goodbye."

"Well Charlie and I won't leave his side and we'll talk to him and get him to come back to us. There's no way John would leave without saying goodbye to Charlie and I," Nancy said already planning a schedule, so that John would never be left alone.

"Well if he thinks there is something he left behind or something he needs to say, then that could help, to push him to fight for survival. Though I must warn you that despite how hard he fights, he still might not be able to pull through. I'll keep you in my prayers," the doctor graciously said as he left John's room. All the things the doctor said about something left behind, things needing to be said and loved ones, got Charlie thinking about her father and who could possibly rouse him from this state. Quickly running out of the hospital room, Charlie ran out the front of the hospital and turned on her mobile. With quivering fingers and praying that there would be an answer Charlie called the one person who her father desperately needed, Jo.


	4. The Call

Disclaimer: I don't any of the BBC's characters

Chapter 4

Jo Mills was unusually sober on the warm January morning in Melbourne, after a long and tiring day in court the day before, where she had helped to free an innocent man. This would normally have made Jo's week, but not anymore, now it just made her week bearable. Suddenly Jo heard the shrill cry of her mobile and she looked at the display, which read Charlie Deed.

Not knowing what to do, Jo wondered why she would call and decided it must be important because she hadn't even had a call from Charlie or John in a year and a half. Picking her phone up hurriedly and with a hint of curiosity Jo answered.

"Hello."

"Hi Jo, its Charlie, I ………….dad needs you," Charlie said stumbling over her words and obviously distressed.

"Why? What happened?" Jo said her voice hitched at the thought that John was hurt.

"He was in an accident and he needs you, Jo."

"Oh my god! What kind of accident? Is he going to be alright?" Jo said getting herself worked up over something that was taking place on the other side of the world.

"It was a car accident, he ran into a truck. He's in a coma, he punctured a lung, broke some ribs and other than that he is just badly bruised. The doctors don't know if he'll ever wake up," Charlie said with the reality that her father might not survive finally kicking in, so the tears began.

"Oh, Charlie, what makes you think that I can help?" Jo said wondering how she could help John if he was in a coma.

"The doctor said that he's chances will improve if he is surrounded and talked to by his loved ones and if there is something or in dad's case someone that he can't leave because there are things he needs to say. Jo, dad hasn't been the same since you left, I understand how badly he treated you and I understand why you did it, but he really does love you. This time he needs you and so do I because you might be his only chance," Charlie said with a swollen face from her tears.

"I don't know Charlie, I don't think I can face coming back again, especially if your father doesn't make it because I'll just be ridden with guilt. If I do come back and he wakes up then I might not be able to leave again and the cycle that your father and I use to follow will just start again."

"Please Jo, the guilt will be a lot worse knowing that you gave up the chance to say goodbye and to help possibly bring him back to us," Charlie pleaded.

"Okay, I'll catch the next flight to London and I'll call you when I get there," Jo replied knowing that there was no way she wouldn't go, if she could help the man she would always love. Hanging up the phone Jo couldn't help but feel that this was fate and maybe as Charlie said John still loved her and maybe he had changed.

Charlie sat by her dad's beside with Nancy a day after the accident and couldn't help but think of all the well wishes she had received for her father. Every time she felt like screaming that her father wasn't dead and that he would be alright, but even she wasn't convinced. The conversation between Charlie and Nancy had died hours ago and they sat in silence each holding onto one of John's hands. Occasionally, one of them would say something to John, but when there was no response, they closed their mouth not wanting to have to believe that he may always be like that and reverted back into the safer silence.

At Heathrow International Airport Jo walked out of the terminal with her luggage and dialled Charlie's number. When it went straight to message bank, Jo guessed that Charlie must have switched her phone off because she was in the hospital with John. Jo put her phone away and hailed a cab, a good old London cab which she had missed so dearly. Jo had called Charlie before she boarded and found out what hospital John was in, so she gave the cab driver the address and sat back thinking about what John would look like, if he would look the same as she remembered. In all her dreams, the vision of John had slowly faded and now she wasn't sure if the image in her head was really John Deed or just a distorted version of him.


	5. Back Home

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the BBC's characters

Chapter 5

Hurriedly racing into the hospital with her suitcase Jo Mills headed straight to the reception desk and asked what room John Deed was in. After receiving some instructions about where to go Jo tiredly waltzed through the hospital corridor and came to stand in front of room 616, the one that behind it held the comatose John Deed. Laying a shaking hand on the cool door handle, Jo opened the door and was confronted with a sight that even she couldn't have prepared for. On one side of John there was a woman, with blonde, short hair and a round face who was asleep in a chair holding one of John's hands. On the other side of John sat a rugged swollen faced and awake Charlie Deed holding her father's other hand. Then Jo's gaze came to rest on the centre of this scene, the man of her dreams and of her night mares, who looked exactly the same as she remembered. That was except for some extra gray hair, a bandage around his head, some scratches and bruises and all the tubes that ran from his body that attached him to a group of machines. Jo's eyes though focused on John were curiously drawn to the mysterious woman, who Jo couldn't help but feel was in her spot, by John's side.

"Jo, you're here," whispered a grateful and tired Charlie.

"Yes I am, but maybe I shouldn't be, I feel like you have everything covered," Jo replied quickly.

"No, I don't, dad needs you," Charlie said gesturing to her father who looked to be peacefully sleeping.

"Umm," Jo mumbled unsure of what to do.

"I'll take you back to my place and we can both get a good night sleep and visit dad tomorrow," Charlie said kissing her dad on the cheek. Jo let go of her suitcase and stepped next to John's side and raised her hand to gently caress his face. It felt like only yesterday that they were together and then Jo leaned in and gave John a kiss on the cheek before following Charlie out of the hospital.

The next morning Jo and Charlie arrived at the hospital bright and early, with both of them not getting much sleep as they were both up half the night worrying about John. When they walked into John's room Jo noticed that the unfamiliar woman was gone, so Jo went and sat in the seat occupied by her the night before.

"Jo, I have to go to work, but I'll be back at 1 for my lunch break. Don't spend all your time here though, dad wouldn't want you to wear yourself out. Maybe you could go to the courthouse and catch up with everyone, it's not just dad and I that have missed you."

"I'll wait and see, I think today I'd just like to spend with John, after all we have spent the last two years apart," Jo replied.

"I'll see you later," Charlie said with a wave as she walked out of the hospital room. Jo waved back and grabbed John's large, rough hand in hers and kissed it before rubbing tender circles on it with the tips of her fingers.

"It's me Jo, I've missed you John and I will always love you, don't you ever forget that. I know I hurt you by walking away, but I had no choice and I need you to understand that. I just couldn't stand having to share the man I love and John being away from you for the last two years has felt like a lifetime, with everyday a struggle. You don't know how many times I wanted to call you, but I just couldn't. I realised while I was away how much I need you and if you still love me, I want to give us another go. Just please get through this John, Charlie needs you to and so do I. There is still so much I have to say to you and so much I'm sure that you want to tell me, so please John come back to me," Jo begged to John through a tirade of tears.


	6. The Meeting

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the BBC's characters

Chapter 6:

Jo had spent the last 3 hours by John's bed side and had spent the majority of the time talking to him about how miserable she had been in Melbourne and how she loved and needed him. Suddenly the sound of the door opening stopped Jo's conversation with herself.

"Hi, I brought you some lunch because I figured you wouldn't have left to get something to eat," Charlie said as she handed Jo a salad sandwich and a cup of coffee.

"Thanks, Charlie," Jo said sincerely, glad for the food because she really was starting to feel a bit light headed from not eating anything all day. Jo gratefully ate the food Charlie provided while Charlie filled Jo in on the court case she was currently involved in and Jo chipped in some useful advice every now and then. As Jo finished her lunch the door was opened by the mysterious women from the night before and she stared straight at Jo.

"This is Jo Mills, Jo this is Nancy Wills," Charlie introduced anxiously remembering that they had never met and hoping that Jo would be able to handle the meeting.

"Hello, are you a friend? I think I remember seeing some pictures of you in John's apartment," Nancy said invitingly.

"Uhh," Jo said with realisation of what Nancy just said kicking in, looking at Charlie, Charlie nodded in understanding. This was John's new girlfriend. The one who now stood were Jo use to stand.

"Yes, I'm a friend," Jo said through clenched teeth. She couldn't believe that she didn't think that John would have a girlfriend. He didn't need her anymore she thought, he had someone, someone else, someone he wanted.

"I'd better go," Jo said quickly walking out of John's room.

"Jo," Charlie called following her out of the room.

"Why did you ask me to come Charlie? John doesn't need me, he has his girlfriend, someone who didn't walk away from him. She's who he needs, not me, he's moved on," Jo said on the verge of tears.

"You don't get it, do you Jo? Dad's going out with Nancy yes, but he isn't happy with her, despite what she likes to think. He's miserable and every time he looks at her he wishes it was you. He loves you and only you, Nancy doesn't mean anything to him, she is just a way for him to not be alone because if he is he has more time to think about you and what he lost." Jo could tell that Charlie was being honest and meant every word that she was saying.

"He never once looked at her the way he use to look at you, with that admiration and love," Charlie continued, "that is only reserved for you and always will be." Charlie reached out and hugged Jo and they both let out a few tears as the memories of the past returned to them as powerful as ever. Jo and Charlie both returned back to John's room and Charlie allowed Jo the other seat available next to John opposite Nancy and Jo happily accepted.

"Are you from around here because I've never met you before?" Nancy questioned trying to remember if she'd ever met Jo.

"No, I'm not," Jo responded shortly. Jo took hold of John's hand and began to trace the tiny circles with her fingers again. Noticing this Nancy frowned and couldn't help but wonder exactly what Jo Mills' relationship with John really was. Charlie mean while couldn't hide her massive smile, at the scene which she couldn't help but feel was natural and that everything would some how be okay.


	7. Visitors

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the BBC's characters

Chapter 7:

The next day Nancy, Charlie and Jo were all by John's bed side, all silently praying for his safe return to them. Then the door opened to reveal Sir Monty Everard, a judge, whose friendship with John though a slow and rocky process was now quite strong. Monty looked at John and the smile which was on his face quickly left and was replaced by a look of worry. He looked at Charlie and smiled a reassuring smile before turning to Nancy and offering the same form of support.

"Jo, it's been a long time. How have you been?" Monty said friendly enough and offering out his arms. Jo accepted Monty's hands and allowed him to pull her up into a friendly embrace and then softly kissed him on the check.

"Monty, I'm fine thanks. How have you been?" Jo replied thankfully for the conversation about something other than John's condition.

"Good, good. I can't say that court has been as eventful without you, you are sorely missed and though I'm sure Sir Ian was glad to see the back of you, even he misses the challenges you provided. It's great to see you again, though not under the circumstances. I'm sure John would want you here though, it would mean a lot to him," Monty responded sincerely.

"Thanks Monty, I have to say I've missed you all," Jo replied reminiscing on the good old days when she was appearing in court before John or Monty.

"How is he?" Monty eventually said.

"The same," Nancy interrupted, quite affronted of the closeness of the conversation between Jo and Monty. Monty nodded his head in sympathy and understanding and headed out of the hospital. Jo, Nancy and Charlie reverted back into the familiar silence that had filled their morning.

After lunch another visitor arrived, this time not to see John, but to see Charlie. The door opened to reveal the gorgeous, slim, blonde ex wife of John Deed, Georgina Channing. George walked in carrying a bag with a sandwich, bottle of water and a few magazines obviously all supplies for her daughter Charlie.

"Hi," was George's obnoxious greeting. Then she took a close look at the people surrounding John and fixed her gaze on Jo.

"I should've guessed that you would've come. John's in trouble so you come riding to the rescue, just like the good old days. I must say I thought you had finally woken up Jo, obviously your still just as naïve," George said in her ever so posh voice.

"It's great to see you again to George. I heard that you and Neil Houghton didn't work out, I'm sorry, I guess he wasn't strong enough to deal with you at your best," Jo spat out. George and Jo had been rivals ever since Jo began a relationship with John while he was still married to George.

"Mum, Jo please just stop. Dad's in hospital and the last thing I need is you two fighting," Charlie said trying to restore the peace.

"Well some of us have to be working, so I'll see you later darling," George said handing Charlie the bag and giving her a kiss on the cheek.

"You better go and rake in the cash from helping companies rail road innocent victims," Jo said referring to George's role as a civil barrister helping major companies.

"At least I know my place in the world," George grinned in reply as she exited the room. Jo felt the blow of George's final words, knowing that she was referring to Nancy and how she was John's new girlfriend. Nancy looked at Jo and Charlie trying to comprehend the meaning of the exchange between George and Jo. There was something that Charlie, Monty and George all knew about Jo that she wasn't informed about and she was sure that it was something very important that caused Jo to be here.


	8. Awakening

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the BBC's characters

Chapter 8:

Jo had been sitting by John's side all day with Nancy and had only left his side for short periods of time when absolutely necessary. Feeling herself lose feeling in her legs Jo reluctantly knew that she needed to get up and go for a walk and probably get herself a cup of hot coffee to keep her awake. After stretching her legs and finishing her coffee Jo was about to head back into John's room, but instead she stopped outside the room in front of the window which looked in. The curtains which were usually closed were pulled open and Jo looked into the room and saw Nancy holding on to both of John's hands placing small kisses on them.

"I can't lose you John, you mean so much to me and please you have to come back. I know we've only been together for three months, but it feels like a life time. I've had the best time with you and we need more time together. We were happy together John, we spent so much time together, talking and walking in the park, I felt like a part of your family. I don't know why you drove when you would've known how drunk you were, but I can only count my blessing that you're still here. I love you." Nancy finished with glistening tears pooling in her eyes. Jo couldn't take anymore, she didn't belong there so she ran out of the hospital and took a cab back to Charlie's apartment. She knew that coming to London would just open old wounds and she wasn't prepared to hear another woman declaring her love for John. This wasn't her life anymore, she didn't belong here, coming back was a big mistake and so Jo started packing her things.

With a packed suitcase Jo was about to head to the airport, but knew that she had to say goodbye to John, especially if it was going to be the last time. Once again carrying her luggage into the hospital Jo stood by the window again but this time saw that no one was by John's side. Jo sat next to John and held his hand in hers again and rubbed the rhythmic circles on his palm.

"I'm sorry John I have to go, you've moved on and I'm so glad but now I need to do the same. The hardest part of leaving you was moving on and letting go and you have so I don't want to interfere. Nancy, she loves you and wants to be with you and can be everything you need. I walked away and don't deserve you, but she shouldn't be hurt, she has you now and she's the one that's meant to help you through this, not me. Goodbye." Jo sadly whispered, recalling the time she said goodbye to John at the airport two years ago and how this was so much harder because this time, she wasn't sure that she was doing the right thing. As Jo was about to leave she felt a tug and looked down at John's hands in hers and saw his fingers enclose around her hand.

"John, John are you okay?" Jo said excitedly tightening her grip on his hand. Looking at John's pale face Jo raised her other hand and gently caressed his cheek. John's eyelids began fluttering and Jo stood up and grabbed both of his hands and watched carefully as John's powerful, blue eyes opened.

"Oh my god, John, you're awake!" Jo said through tears of sheer happiness and exhaustion.

"Jo, is that really you?" John croaked, confused.

"Yes, yes it's me, Charlie called me after your accident and I had to come," Jo recalled.

"I'm glad you came, did you just say you were going?" John questioned.

"Yes, but now that you're awake I'll stay for a bit longer, to make sure you're okay," Jo reassured.

"I've missed you Jo, nothing has been the same since you left," John started.

"Sshh, we have plenty of time to talk about that later, you just need to get better and rest," Jo stated.

"John, you're awake, thank god," Nancy said as she and Charlie ran into the room. Jo took a step back and watched on as Charlie and Nancy talked and hugged with John and Jo couldn't help but feel like she was an intruder watching someone else's life. Stepping out of the room Jo was glad that John would be okay and knew that now she would have to stay longer to talk properly with John. Taking her luggage back to Charlie's Jo's thoughts that she didn't belong in John's life anymore came flying back and she wondered if she would ever have a place in his heart again.


	9. Heart to Heart

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the BBC's characters

Chapter 9:

Jo sat on her make shift bed, which was a couch in Charlie's lounge room and had her head in her hands, as she thought about what to say to John and tried to sort out her confused feelings. John had woken up 2 hours ago and since Jo had returned to Charlie's she had just been trying to sort out all the emotions running through her. Finally feeling a misplaced amount of confidence Jo made her way back to the hospital.

As Jo walked into the hospital room she saw John lying awake talking to Charlie, while Nancy was no where to be found.

"Jo, I thought you'd left," John said inviting Jo to sit in the unoccupied seat that Nancy normally sat on.

"I told you that I'd stay to talk to you," Jo said hurt that John would think so little of her.

"I'll let you two talk in private," Charlie chipped in kindly as she exited the hospital room.

"What were you thinking drink driving John?" Jo had to ask the burning question.

"I don't know, I was thinking about you and how miserable and hopeless my life had become," John said with his self loathing clearly evident.

"You have Charlie and Nancy, John there are so many people who love you. Charlie she was so scared that she was going to lose you, that wasn't fair to her."

"Are you one of those people who love me?" John questioned praying for the answer that would restore him back to the man he use to be. Jo was prevented from answering when Nancy walked into the room and looked quickly from John to Jo. She could tell that they were in the middle of an important discussion because a few tears from the impact of John's last question were visible in Jo's eyes.

"Nancy, can you please leave Jo and I alone for a few minutes we have a few things that we need to discuss," John said with his eyes never leaving Jo's.

"Of course," Nancy said looking curiously at Jo whose tears were starting to fall softly down her cheeks as she shied away from John's penetrating gaze. As Nancy left the room Jo looked at her hands and tried to compose herself enough to give a reasonable answer.

"John, I will always love you no matter what happens or what you do, you know that. It's not my place anymore though, you've moved on and I have to accept that," Jo said painfully knowing that the real answer was a simple, uncomplicated yes I love you.

"I may seem to have moved on but you're the only woman who will ever live in my heart. How have you been Jo? Be honest, I mean have you moved on?" John said gazing intently at Jo trying to read her like he use to.

"I've been a mess, a bit like you I guess, have I moved on? What a question how can I move on when I'm still in love with you?"Jo said looking deep into his eyes and remembering all the intimate moments they had shared in the past and feeling all the passion that still lied between them.

"Look Jo I know and I understand why you left, I hurt you too many times and god only knows how I regret it. You leaving was a wake up call and it forced me to realise how my actions caused you to leave. I can't explain how much I've missed you and how much I've wanted you to come back to me, nothing's been the same since you left," John said pouring his heart out to Jo.

"John, stop. Leaving you was the hardest decision I've ever made but I had to, you kept pushing the right buttons in my heart and forcing us to keep in our old routine."

"I've changed Jo I have, losing you, I never want that to happen again I will do anything and I promise I will never ever hurt you again," John butted in.

"John I need more than an echo of a promise. After all we ended it and now there's Nancy, she shouldn't get hurt. I had my chance, I can't just come back and take you away from her," Jo said remembering how hurt she had been by John and understanding how Nancy would feel.

"Don't worry, she'll be fine," John said dismissing her.

"So, you haven't changed. Don't just dismiss Nancy's feelings after everything she's done for you and don't leave her John, she's good to you and I'm not coming back to you, I can't have my heart broken again. I don't even know how it's possible but you broke my heart and yet I still love you with all the little pieces." Jo said through her tears as she got up to leave and go back to Charlie's for some sleep.

"Jo, don't leave, please not again," John begged, not knowing if he could handle Jo walking out on him for a second time.

"I'll see you tomorrow, John," Jo said through her tears as she passed Nancy in the corridor eying her incredulously wondering what John must have said to gauge that emotional response from Jo.


	10. Secrets

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the BBC's characters

Chapter 10:

The next morning when Jo got to the hospital after her emotional confrontation with John she saw Nancy holding John's hand and talking to him softly. John smiled at her and Jo gave him a weary smile in reply as she sat down in her chair and held John's other hand, while Nancy was just gazing straight at John. The door to the room opened once again and Charlie walked in followed by her mother George Channing.

"Isn't this cosy," George remarked snidely, referring to John being in the middle of two women who she knew both cared deeply for him.

"Morning George," John said sarcastically, knowing that George would still throw around the insults even while he was in hospital.

"Well, you must be pleased with the turn out, you got what you wanted out of the accident," George said turning and glaring at Jo.

"Leave it alone George," Jo pleaded trying to ignore George's jibes at her and John's past relationship.

"What do you mean?" Nancy said as she was the only one that wasn't up to date with the past history.

"Don't you know darling? John should have told you, though he never has been that good with the truth, has he Jo?" George asked condescendingly. Nancy turned to look at Jo who was looking at John trying to convey a conversation without words like they use to.

"Mum stop, for once in your life just leave Jo alone," Charlie defended knowing that her mother took every chance she had to launch scathing attacks at Jo.

"Oh honey, she can defend herself if not your father will always do it for her," George sniped.

"What's going on?" Nancy asked clearly confused.

"Well when John and I were still married he had an affair with Little Miss Oxfam here," George said pointing to Jo. Jo looked at the ground, knowing that George was about to air all her and John's dirty laundry. "That lasted on and off for what about 15 years. Then Jo finally came to her senses and left when John chased another skirt and that sent John into his little downward spiral. They couldn't be without each other and would always be there to rescue each other." George said looking from John to Jo as Jo sighed and put her head in her hands.

"Mum, that's enough, just go," Charlie said pushing her mother out of the room as George looked satisfied and gave them all her trademark smirk.

"What?" Nancy said standing up and getting angry that she was the one who was left in the dark.

"So everyone knew about this except for me? When were you going to tell me?" Nancy yelled angrily. Jo silently grabbed her bag, gave John a sympathetic glance and walked out of the room to let Nancy and John talk privately.

"Look it happened a long time ago, so I didn't think it was important to mention," John said steadily.

"You didn't think it was important to tell me that she was your ex lover, the one that caused you to sink into depression," Nancy yelled.

"It was a long time ago," John reiterated.

"What is she even doing here? She has no right to be here," Nancy ranted.

"Charlie called her and asked her to come. Even though we aren't together she is still my best friend Nancy and so she has every right to be here," John said naturally defending Jo as he had always done and always would.

"Why would Charlie do that? You have me and that's all you need," Nancy said.

"Jo's a friend, she had to be informed and yes I do need you and I always will," John said through clenched teeth as he obeyed what Jo said about not breaking up with Nancy.

"I'll always be here," Nancy said as her anger died and she went over and embraced John and gently kissed him. John returned the kiss but couldn't help but feel that it lacked the electricity and passion that Jo's kiss always ignited in him.


	11. Warning

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the BBC's characters

Chapter 11:

The next time Jo entered John's room it was with Charlie to find John asleep with Nancy by his side.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?" Nancy asked Jo as she walked out of the room, so Jo followed her out as she nodded.

"Look I don't know why you're really here or what happened between you and John. I don't really care, but you two had your chance and now it's ours, so just don't interfere," Nancy said as a kind of warning and peace offering.

"I'm not here to cause trouble, I just needed to know he was okay and there are still something's that we need to say to each other. Don't worry I'm not going to come between you and John," Jo said honestly. Jo walked back into John's room followed by Nancy and the two women took there spots by John's side.

A couple of hours later when John awoke Rita Cooper John's faithful clerk and motherly influence who always managed to use her contacts to get him out of trouble and to get him the controversial cases walked in.

"Hi, how are you going Judge?" Mrs Cooper asked John.

"I'm fine thanks Coope," John replied using his nickname for his clerk.

"Miss Wills, Mrs Mills how have you been?" Coope asked turning to Jo.

"I've been good thanks Coope, you?" Jo said standing up to hug the women who had been so loyal to John and helped him through some of the toughest times and kept some of his most important secrets.

"I've been fine. I have to say it hasn't been as fun in court without you and your cases," Coope said honestly.

"Yes, no one's taking on your crusading cases and going against the government," John said reminiscing about the times when Jo took on the British government with him at her side.

"I bet no one wants to go against the giants that control their career," Jo said also reminiscing about the days when she fought for justice for everyone, despite the risk to herself.

"Well I just wanted to check in and make sure you were recovering well. I'll see you later Judge and Mrs Mills everyone around the court has greatly missed you, please consider returning." Coope said as she left.

"Coope's right you should consider staying," John said with a glimmer of hope in his eye.

"I don't think the British government would let me back in," Jo said seriously.

"I'm sure you have your own life back home," Nancy said finally joining the conversation.

"Actually England is my home," Jo replied pondering her future and remembering that her entire time in Melbourne had been a complete disaster. Maybe she would go back to London permanently, after all it was her home and the place where she had fought so many battles and continually with the help of John came out on top.

"Really?" Nancy said obviously uninterested.

"Yes, she was one of England's greatest QC's," John said admiringly.

"That was until I got hurled in front of the disciplinary committee, got cut out of the legal loop, had all my cases taken and threatened that I might lose my silks. Not to mention when I was nearly thrown out a window, when I was threatened and when I was run off the road. I definitely must have been a favourite," Jo said remembering all the hurdles she had to overcome.

"Well, the car accident was meant for me and the disciplinary committee, nearly losing your silks, having your cases taken and getting cut out of the legal loop, that was all because of me." John said remembering all the times when his enemies had tried to get to him by going through Jo.

"If it was your fault it would have happened to you," Nancy said clearly not being aware of the strange and serious circumstances Jo and John has found themselves in over the years.

"No, they can't get to a judge, so they thought they could stop me by going through Jo. Big mistake that was, it just made me furious and more intent on going after justice" John said explaining the reality of the situation. John looked into Jo's eyes and this time she didn't look away, but she held his gaze and they recalled all the times they had stuck together in order to get to the truth and all the times they had defended and stuck by each other. These memories were something they would always share and treasure and that would always bind them together.


	12. Back to Normal

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the BBC's characters

Chapter 12:

John was given the all clear to leave the hospital after 11 days in hospital and was ordered to be on complete bed rest for at least a week and then he could slowly ease himself into his normal routine. Nancy drove John back to his apartment and helped him settle into his bed and made him a cup of steaming coffee and allowed him some time on his own to read and relax. John sipping his coffee looked over to his night stand at the empty spot in the middle under his lamp. Taking a deep breath John opened the top night stand drawer and pulled out an old photograph of him and Jo, which had been taken about 5 years ago when they had gone on a holiday to the beach. With the tips of his fingers John traced all the features of Jo's face in the picture and put it back in its rightful spot on his night stand. John had only put it in the drawer after he stopped calling Jo because as much as he loved to wake up to a picture of Jo it had become to hard, a constant reminder of his faults. It was the only picture of Jo he had removed, he had only two others in display in his living room. One was a picture of Jo about 10 years ago in a park and the other was from 15 years ago with Jo, her children Tom and Mark and John and Charlie. Looking at these photographs during the day normally gave John the strength to go on.

Jo knew that John was going home today and decided it best to let him spend it with Nancy, in peace and quiet. Jo walked into the legal aid building, which use to be her place of work and received many hello's and how have you been? Jo answered politely and went to speak to her old boss Raymond Green QC.

"Jo, how have you been? Melbourne treating you alright?" He asked genuinely interested in the life of Jo who had been one his most controversial but definitely best barristers.

"I've been well, just would have been better to be here under better circumstances. Melbourne actually isn't my cup of tea and I was wondering if I could talk to you about it?" Jo said hopefully.

"Yes, John's accident was tragic, just glad he's recovering well. As far as Melbourne not being your cup of tea I can only guess that means that you want to come back to London and hopefully legal aid?" Raymond guessed correctly.

"Yes, I miss London dreadfully and I feel I would be better off back here. I was hoping that you'd have an availability to take me back?" Jo asked hoping that she might be able to recover some of her previous life.

"Of course you can come back, there will always be a spot here for you, even though you bring controversy, you also bring the clients. I have always admired your extremely talented legal skills and will always regard you highly. A job here is yours, you can even have your old office back and let me know when you're ready to start after you get settled," Raymond said smiling at Jo.

"Thankyou so much Raymond, I really appreciate it," Jo said shaking his hand and leaving his office, feeling that her life may just be getting back on track.

"Jo," Charlie cried from across reception, as legal aid was also the work place of Charlie Deed.

"What are you doing here?" Charlie asked.

"I just got my old job back, it looks like I'm here to stay," Jo cried happily. Charlie rushed over to Jo and gave her a friendly, excited hug.

"I'm so glad, dad will be over the moon," Charlie said excitedly.

Later that afternoon after work Charlie went over to her father's house to check on him, Nancy answered the door, as she had against John's wishes taken time often to care for him. Charlie walked into her father's bedroom and gave him a hug and kiss on the cheek.

"You look cheerful," Nancy observed from the corner of the bedroom as she put some of John's clothes in his wardrobe.

"I just had some great news," Charlie said obviously struggling to contain her joy.

"Well, spill," John said waiting for some trivial news about a boyfriend.

"Raymond gave Jo her job back at legal aid today, so she's going to stay," Charlie said with a massive grin on her face. As soon as the words left Charlie's mouth a massive grin also appeared on John's face, though Nancy was frowning in the corner of the room.

"That's fantastic, Sir Ian is going to be thrilled, he's getting me back at my best and Jo, it'll be his vision of hell," John said happily.

"I can't wait till you and Jo get back to work, it will be like it use to be," Charlie said looking forward to things being restored to how they should have been all along. Nancy in her spot in the corner couldn't help but pray that things wouldn't be how they use to be because she didn't have a spot in that life. Jo Mills staying in England only threatened her spot in John's life more and there was no way she was going to lose John without a fight.


	13. Recuperating

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the BBC's characters

Chapter 13:

It was a freezing morning and Jo was looking forward to telling John her news that she was staying in London and would be able to help him in his pursuits for justice. As Jo knocked on the door she was surprised when John answered the door and not Nancy.

"She's still asleep," John said reading Jo's mind like he use to. Jo followed John into his kitchen and they sat down on the stools around his kitchen bench.

"I've got some news," Jo said looking forward to John's reaction.

"You're staying in London and got your job back," John said smiling. Jo looked shocked that John already knew.

"Is Sir Ian already talking to people about how to get rid of me?" Jo asked suspiciously.

"No, but I wouldn't be surprised, Charlie told me, she was as excited as I was," John said as he moved forward to place a kiss on Jo's forehead and give her a warm and comforting hug. Jo breathed in John's scent and didn't want him to let her go, she just wanted to stay in his arms, but she restrained herself and pulled back.

"Shall we celebrate?" John asked as he opened a cupboard and pulled out a bottle of scotch and filled two glasses.

"Why not?" Jo said as John handed her a glass and they said cheers.

"What do you think you're doing?" Nancy yelled as she walked into the kitchen looking fully alert and quite flustered.

"Having a celebratory drink," John explained obviously.

"This is what started this mess, you shouldn't be drinking," Nancy said as she took John's scotch out of his hand and poured the golden liquid down the sink.

"What are you doing?" John asked shocked as he watched his good scotch disappear down the drain.

"It's about time you acknowledged that you have a drinking problem John and you shouldn't be encouraging him," Nancy said accusingly at Jo.

"John, a problem with alcohol? Never! I'm the one that gets carried away with the alcohol," Jo said referring to the time she got so drunk that John had to put her to bed at his digs, which led to her disciplinary hearing.

"Yes, well you wouldn't know, you haven't been here, I have. The accident was alcohol related and John you were drinking heavily before the accident as well," Nancy said looking at John. Jo looked at John stunned wondering why John hadn't explained the situation to Nancy. He wasn't an alcoholic he was just overdoing to fill the void Jo left as he had explained to Jo in the hospital. John and Jo both knew that now that she was back he would be fine and wouldn't need the company of a bottle of scotch to get him through the day.

"I'm fine Nancy honestly," John said telling the truth.

"Denial is a sign of addiction John and if it wasn't addiction that caused the accident then what did John?" Nancy asked staring him straight in the eyes searching for the truth.

"My alcohol intake relates to my emotions, a lot like Jo, except I know when to quit." John said and he knew he chosen the wrong words when he saw Jo visibly wince.

"I've had a rough time recently and I mistakenly fooled myself into believing that I would be okay to drive, it won't happen again." John said looking Nancy in the eye.

"Fine, but be careful John, alcohol is very easy to get addicted to and if by chance you were addicted I wouldn't think any less of you, I would just want you to seek the appropriate help." Nancy said as she poured herself a cup of coffee and Jo swallowed her glass of scotch and put it on the counter and gave John an apologetic look.

"You need to be resting," Nancy said to John.

"I'm fine and this is resting," John replied as he waved his arm at how he was sitting not doing anything. John was obviously starting to get sick of Nancy's nagging and Jo could tell so she had to stifle her laughter at the expression on John's face.

"Jo, do you mind leaving? John really needs to just recuperate on his own so that he can get back to himself sooner. I'm sure you'll see him in court soon enough," Nancy said spitefully.

"Of course, look after yourself and I'll see you back in court soon," Jo said as John stood and gave her a quick innocent kiss on the cheek and a squeeze of the shoulder. This didn't go unnoticed by Nancy who looked on disapprovingly wondering just what kind of power Jo had over John.

"See you soon," John said seriously as he closed the door and as Jo left, John and Jo both smiled to themselves finally looking forward to something for the first time in 2 years.


	14. Work

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the BBC's characters

Chapter 14:

Jo had just brought an apartment in the area she use to live and was preparing her things for her first day at work and it had been nearly 6 days since she had last seen John. As Jo entered the legal aid building she was overwhelmed with a rush of adrenaline to be back fighting for justice and to be back in the place she belonged and had so sorely missed. Jo got her things settled on her desk, admired her office and couldn't help but feel that she had never left. She was just about to start on one of the files that Raymond had left for her on her desk when Charlie walked in.

"Jo, I know its last minute but my trial starts today and I was wondering if you could help me out. It's your kind of case, Mr Brown is suing a world renowned doctor for malpractice in the death of his wife and child," Charlie explained.

"I'd love to Charlie, but I wouldn't be much help since I don't know anything about the case," Jo said.

"You can read the file in the car and I know you'll come up with some great strategies," Charlie said pleadingly.

"Who's for the doctor?" Jo asked curiously getting excited at the prospect at being back in court so soon.

"Mum and its dad's first case back," Charlies said.

"Great, my first case back against George, but at least I'll have the opportunity to talk to your dad," Jo said seriously considering Charlie's offer.

"Come on," Charlie said as she walked out the door to the car with Jo following closely behind. When the two women arrived at the courthouse they both changed into their court apparel and then Rita Cooper appeared at the door.

"Mrs Mills I heard you were back, I'm so glad," she greeted cheerfully.

"Thankyou, I'm glad to be back," Jo replied equally as cheerful.

"Miss Deed your father would like to see you and Miss Channing in chambers now," Coope said turning to Charlie.

"Let's go Jo, you're apart of this case too now," Charlie said as she and Jo followed Coope into John's chambers.

As they walked into John's chambers Jo couldn't help but feel excited at being back in the familiar surroundings that made her feel so comfortable and safe.

"Jo," John said surprised to see that she was involved in Charlie's case on her first day back.

"She's helping me with my case," Charlie explained.

"She won't be much help not knowing anything about the facts of the case. Though I'm sure as usual she wont need to because John will provide them all for her," George chipped in her part from her seat on John's lounge.

"Don't start George," John warned starring straight at George trying to convey the message not to try anything.

"Now what I wanted to say before the trial begins is even more imperative now, I want the sole focus to be on the trial and the evidence. As glad as I am that things are returning to normal, that doesn't mean that I want the personal attacks or comments during the case." John said looking intently at George and Jo.

"You wouldn't want one of us to scare Jo off again," George said not happy with John's comments.

"I want the trial to be centred on the evidence not about your personal feelings Miss Channing," John said seriously with the strong warning in his tone.

"Or lack of," Charlie remarked. George looked shocked at her daughter's comment, but Charlie just shrugged and John gave her a disapproving look.

"I'll remind you all again ladies to keep your personal attacks out of the courtroom, otherwise I'll have no problem locking you in a room together again," John said as the memories danced across Jo and George's faces. They knew he was being dead serious and they looked at one another trying to place the blame on each other.

"I'll see you in court in 20 minutes," John said dismissing them all. George stalked out of the room angrily and Charlie and Jo moved to follow.

"Jo," John said stopping her in her tracks.

"I'm really glad you stayed," John said sincerely with his emotions clearly visible.

"Me to," Jo said quietly as she proceeded to help Charlie with her case.


	15. Court

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the BBC's characters

Chapter 15:

"All rise," the court clerk yelled out as the honourable Mr Justice Deed walked into the court room and took his seat overlooking the court. He motioned to Ms Channing who was on the edge of her seat obviously wanting to start the proceedings.

"My Lord, I must ask that you discard the medical report provided by the hospital as it is highly prejudicial because the doctor who wrote the report is the next in line to take over my clients job. He is also known to have a grudge against my client and would be willing to resort to unmentionable lengths in order to tarnish my Doctor Michael's reputation," George said in her posh and slightly obnoxious way.

"My Lord, surely my learned friend will have the chance to bring this up during her cross examination," Charlie said articulately.

"That's not the point my lord, the report is tainted with so many holes and unanswered questions so there for can not be brought up in a court of law with out prejudicing my client. The report is there only evidence so I move for this farce of a law suit to be dismissed" George argued condescendingly. Charlie not prepared for that looked at Jo in the hopes that she could offer some sort of help to save her case. Remembering what she had read from the files she had briefly skimmed through Jo got her thoughts together.

"My Lord, if the defence is so sure the report is tainted, then they could have easily requested for a second opinion to test their theory, which our client had offered to have take place. The fact that they didn't take up our client's generous offer means that there is no physical evidence to suggest that the report is in any way incorrect. My learned friend's allegation that the report is tainted is there for purely supposition and can not be substantiated, so the evidence should stand along with the case," Jo finished proudly.

"Well put, Mrs Mills and yes I agree so Miss Channing please sit down and let's begin the case," John said smiling at the way Jo had taken control of a case she knew nearly nothing about with such accuracy. Charlie also grinned at the way Jo had saved her case and George just glared at her wondering just what she was being punished for.

The rest of the morning's court session was quite uneventful as the three women were all on their best behaviour after John's earlier warning. While on their lunch break Charlie and Jo had their lunch and cups of coffee in the cafeteria before Jo excused herself and went for a walk in the grounds behind the court, where her and John use to talk. As Jo walked through the familiar grounds, she breathed in all the scents of her surroundings and felt like it was only yesterday when she was last there.

"Mimi," Jo called as she saw John's gorgeous, small, black dog running towards her. Jo picked Mimi up in her arms and cuddled her closely and patted her affectionately, remembering how she used to love walking with John and Mimi.

"Mimi!" Nancy's voice called as she and John appeared from around the corner. Mimi started licking Jo's face lovingly and had no desire to react to Nancy's call.

"Jo, she seems to still find you as irresistible as ever," John said laughing at the dog slobber which Jo was wiping from her face.

"Yes well I always loved Mimi," Jo said patting her on the head and then putting her back on the ground. Mimi yelped in excitement and started running around Jo's feet.

"Court was unfortunately quite straight forward and uninteresting, though you did a good job saving the case by bringing up your clients offer to have a second report," John reminisced.

"Yes well, I was lucky, we were all on our best behaviour after your warning and it was very productive," Jo said defending the court session which because of the lack of pointless arguing was as she said very productive.

"John even though you are back at work you still need to be taking it easy. Don't you love these grounds Jo?" Nancy asked conversationally.

"They're beautiful, just as I remember them a great place to walk, relax and talk," Jo answered.

"Yes, whenever I come to the court John and I usually walk and talk while we admire our surroundings," Nancy said. Jo just smiled remembering that her and John use to do exactly the same thing.

"That's only when people aren't following you to dig up dirt," Jo said referring to when she and John had been kissing in the grounds and Sir Monty Everard had pictures taken of them to use as blackmail. Nancy didn't understand this so she just looked confused at the puzzling remark.

"They aren't yet trying to have us removed from the legal world again Jo," John laughed as he also recalled the event in question.

"I have to go I'll see you later," Nancy said as she looked at her watch, kissed John tenderly and waved politely at Jo. As Nancy disappeared around the corner that she and John had come around Jo continued walking and John walked by her side as Mimi streaked ahead, just how it use to be.


	16. Decisions

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the BBC's characters

Chapter 16:

"You were great in court today, it felt like you never left," John said proudly.

"Thanks, it feels good to be doing what I love again," Jo said

"What about with whom you love?" John questioned and Jo just looked at the ground knowing that she had walked into that one.

"Oh John," Jo said not knowing how to form an appropriate response.

"Love isn't finding someone you can live with Jo, it's finding someone you can't live with out. Isn't that exactly what we found out when you left?" John asked.

"Maybe, but John stupid mistakes cause heartbreak and you continually make them when it comes to our relationship," Jo said sadly.

"I wont anymore Jo please give us one last go. After all that we've been through you owe it to us," John said.

"I owe it to us? No John I don't owe us anything, I gave it everything every time you're the one who caused the problems," Jo raged.

"I'm sorry, I know it was my fault and you don't owe us anything, but can you really walk away without giving us one last go?" John questioned.

"One last go? John I've given us so many go's and it gets harder each time, you have no idea how hard it is for me to put aside all the pain you've cause me, in the hope that maybe you can love just me. If only your promises could just erase the past then maybe I would have the strength to let you back in," Jo said straight from the heart.

"I know how I've hurt you and I know I don't deserve you nor do I have the right to expect anything from you. If there is any part in you Jo that still wants to give us another go, then please you won't regret it," John said trying to convince Jo.

"John I need to end this, I need you to let me go because I can't move on while you're still breaking my heart," Jo pleaded hoping John would let her go.

"You want me to let you go?" John asked shaking his head not believing what he was hearing.

"Yes, I need you to let me go," Jo said hoping that she would finally be free of the burden of John's love.

"I can't and you don't want me to," John guessed confidently and correctly knowing that Jo just wanted to be reassured that he wouldn't leave her again. Jo started crying and John pulled her into his warm and tight embrace, Jo couldn't help but feel at home like she belonged in his arms. She never wanted John to let her go she wanted to be with him forever, but that was insane. Jo pulled back and studied John intently wondering just what decision she should make. She knew the decision she wanted to make, but she also knew the decision that she should make. She just couldn't decide if she risked following her heart again or if she went with her head in an attempt to protect her heart.

"Jo," John said as he grabbed her shoulders trying to force some sense into her.

"I can't," Jo said trying to avoid John's strong and searching gaze.

"You can Jo, you can you just have to let me back in," John said tightening his grip on Jo's shoulders.

"I can't John and don't ask me again," Jo pleaded trying to shrug John's strong hold on her, which wasn't just on her shoulders but also on her heart.

"Jo, please," John begged trying hard to maintain his grasp on her.

"No, John this isn't about what you want, it's about me and what I want," Jo said finally freeing herself from John's control.

"Don't you want me?" John said. Jo sighed knowing that there was no way that they could get out of this conversation unscathed.

"Of course, but as my best friend not as anything more, if you want to still see me then you have to respect that," Jo said hoping John would do as she said because she couldn't stand the thought of not seeing him again.

"Jo," John begged hoping to change her mind.

"I've made my decision now you have to make yours," Jo said as she walked away from John and back to the court. John looked stunned he knew what decision he would make now, he would not, not see Jo, but he wanted more than anything to change her mind.


	17. Friends

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the BBC's characters

Chapter 17:

At the completion of the afternoon session in court, which went in favour of Charlie and Jo, John sent Coope to fetch Jo so that he could tell her his decision.

"Mrs Mills, my Lord," Coope introduced as Jo stepped into the chambers. John stepped forward to hug her and give her a quick peck on the cheek but Jo stepped back guarded as Coope sensing the tension and obvious need for privacy discreetly left.

"Is there any chance?" John began.

"Don't start John, just tell me your decision," Jo cut in. John sighed and tiredly sat in one corner of his lounge and motioned for Jo to do the same on the opposite end. Jo took a seat and for the first time in a while looked John straight in the eyes with her blue equally penetrating and inquisitive stare.

"If a friend is the best offer and what you want," John said with a hint of a question in his voice.

"It is," Jo answered quickly, to stop herself changing her mind.

"Then friends it is," John nodded sadly. An uneasy silence filled the air as Jo and John both felt and mourned for the loss of a great love, which had been the centre of their lives for so long.

That night when John got home to his apartment he smelt the aromas of something wonderful being cooked up and found Nancy pottering around the kitchen.

"Hello, something smells good," John said as he went up behind Nancy and wrapped his arms around her and softly but longingly kissed her.

"Hello, it's just a vegetarian risotto," Nancy said slightly confused at the sudden affection John was showing her, that he hadn't shown since before the accident. Not complaining and quite pleased Nancy continued cooking while John opened a bottle of red wine and Nancy gave him a disapproving look.

"One glass, with dinner," John said in response. Nancy nodded knowing that she would give anything to this man who she was so deeply and utterly in love with. During their romantic candle light dinner John just wanted to forget about the pain he was feeling and the conversations he had with Jo so he put his energy into making Nancy feel truly loved.

"That was fabulous," John praised.

"Why thankyou, it is my specialty," Nancy said thoroughly enjoying all the attention John was paying her. She wondered why the sudden change but she didn't care it just made her feel a lot more secure with Jo Mills being back in London.

"Shall we take this to the bedroom?" John said between kisses.

"Yes," Nancy said out of breath.

The next morning when Nancy awoke she felt John's strong and protective arms draped lovingly over her and she moved them carefully not wanting to wake him. She pulled herself up on her elbow and watched him sleep taking in all the features of his face and thinking how she would love to wake up to him every morning. Nancy slowly caressed his face and then pulled herself up but she stopped suddenly when she saw an unfamiliar picture on John's bed side table which use to be empty. It was a beautifully framed picture of Jo Mills. Furious Nancy picked the picture up and took it with her into the kitchen, she stood over the sink and smashed the frame angrily, while tears were brought to her eyes. There was no way that Jo was going to waltz back to London and take John from her, Nancy grabbed the smashed frame took out the picture of Jo and through the frame in the trash. She looked intently at the photograph and wondered just what she had that kept John coming back and as her tears hit the photo she furiously ripped it into tiny pieces and let the pieces slowly fall into the bin.

"Something wrong?" John said as he walked into the kitchen while rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He looked horrid, he had big, purple bags under his eyes from a lack of sleep because had been up half the night thinking about Jo.

"Nothing's wrong, just thinking that maybe since I already spend all my time here I could move in and we could redecorate the apartment together," Nancy said as she hurriedly wiped the tears from her eyes.

"As long as it isn't totally re done, I like it the way it is," John said pondering the format of his home.

"Only a few changes," Nancy thought, knowing that all she wanted was to remove any trace of Jo Mills from their lives.

Reviews please


	18. Moving In

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the BBC's characters

Chapter 18:

When Jo Mills stood in the bathroom changing she couldn't help but wince at the appearance starring back at her. After her conversations with John the day before she had gone back to Charlie's and drunk and drunk until she finally felt numb. Though she was feeling the consequences of her hang over now, there were big black circles under her eyes, her face looked pale and her head was spinning. When she finally emerged from the bathroom looking nearly respectable with the help of some make up, she was greeted by Charlie holding two aspirins and a glass of water.

"Thankyou," Jo said as she gratefully downed the pills and water.

"You and dad are so a like, you only get hammered when some things bothering you. So what happened between you and dad yesterday?" Charlie said on the mark. Jo impressed by Charlie's observations was struggling to gather her thoughts in her still spinning head.

"I ended it, for good," Jo said clearly conveying her disappointment at the decision she made.

"Oh, I bet that didn't go down well," Charlie said understanding the pain Jo was going through and the pain she had no doubt her father was also going through.

"No, not for either of us but I had to," Jo said with a hand on her head as the spinning started to slow.

"I know, you did what you had to do but we better go or we'll be late," Charlie said looking at her watch.

When Charlie and Jo prepared to go into court they were confronted by a smirking George Channing.

"I wonder what happened last night because you and John who I just saw look as bad as each other. Trouble in the love nest?" George said trying to antagonise Jo.

"None of your business," Jo said shortly not in the mood to deal with George as she pushed past her into the court room.

Nancy spent the day at John's apartment moving her things in and trying to re organise everything to cater for the both of them. She only brought her clothes, some kitchen items, towels, toiletries, photo albums and pictures. The furniture John had was fine and all she was doing was adding extra kitchen appliances but the only thing of John's she actually replaced was the picture of Jo and the picture of Jo, John, Charlie and two young boys from the living room. She replaced them with two photographs of herself, one with John and one when she was younger. In order to hide the fact that she just wanted to get rid of Jo Nancy also removed a few other prints and vases in favour of her own. When she had finally unpacked she stepped back to look at her handy work and thought that this was definitely a place she could live in for the rest of her life but there was still something unsettling about it. Maybe it was all the memories she knew John and Jo had there and as much as Nancy wanted to she knew that she could never replace or wipe out the memory of Jo. John still saw her most days and Nancy herself would probably occasionally see her but as long as there was a clear boundary that would be okay. Though Jo and John hadn't respected the boundary when they slept together while they were both still married. She needed to know the full story and the only person she knew who would give her the truth would be George Channing John's ex wife.

"Hello George Channing," George answered her mobile during her lunch break.

"Hi George, its Nancy," Nancy replied nervously.

"What can I do for you?" George asked clearly focusing on something more important.

"I was wondering if you could tell me about what happened between John and Jo?" Nancy said cutting to the chase.

"Ah, I see, you think I'm the only one capable of giving you a full, honest account of what happened?" George asked thinking how much this women didn't know.

"Do you mind?" Nancy asked softly clearly unsure whether this was her best idea.

"Of course not, I'd want to know if I was you. Well John and I were married with Charlie, while Jo was married to her husband who was terminally ill and they had two sons. John was a barrister and also working teaching law and he became Jo's pupil master, it started then," George said recalling all the events of the past.

"What happened? Was she the first one he had an affair with?" Nancy questioned clearly interested.

"No she wasn't the first but she was different, the others were all one night stands that meant nothing but with Jo he fell in love. Our marriage was doomed from then on but it was doomed before I found out about Jo anyway, she was the final nail in the coffin of our marriage. You do know John would be able to give a better and more accurate account of what actually happened? I was merely an observer," George said bitterly.

"No, I'd like to know what you know," Nancy said thinking that she wanted to stop Jo getting between her and John like she got between George and John.

Reviews are appreciated


	19. Conversation

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the BBC's characters

Chapter 19:

"Okay, if you're sure," George said not liking to dig up the past unless it was to irritate John or Jo.

"Yes, I am," Nancy said listening intently.

"Well Jo's husband died and John and I divorced, they were together for a while after that but John was still not a one women man. That hurt Jo so they ended it for a couple of years but they ended up back together and then John strayed again and Jo left. The pattern just continually repeated, they were basically on again off again for the better part of 15 years. They of course had other partners, Jo was even engaged at one stage but they always ended up back together. John was always extremely protective of her and did anything to help her and he didn't like anyone else to have her. He always said he loved her but his actions always said otherwise, he treated her terribly," George said with the slightest hint of sympathy in her voice.

"Why didn't she just leave? Why did she keep coming back?" Nancy asked intrigued.

"I don't know, she just always fell back under John's spell and she really loved him and he loved her. Jo was the only woman John ever attempted to change for but he failed," George said with the sympathy gone and disgust replacing it.

"Why did she leave England?" Nancy asked getting pulled deeper into the story.

"Jo couldn't take it anymore, she didn't want to hate John she loved him to much, so she did the only thing she thought she could to save them and left. John was enraged when he found what she was going to do and drove erratically to catch her at the airport, as far as I know he did but from what I could tell she said something that really impacted John," George said thoughtfully.

"What happened after she left?" Nancy asked wanting to know.

"He started drinking heavily, indulged in a lot of cheap one night stands and lost his will to fight the establishment. John was a changed man, he kept to himself and did anything he could to numb the pain and try to forget. I don't think even Jo would have expected that reaction from John, he really loved her and missed her. After a while he realised drinking wouldn't help so he tried to fulfil one of Jo's wishes that he become a one woman man, I think he even thought about going after her," George pondered.

"What stopped him?" Nancy asked curiously because after all she heard she thought John would have definitely gone after Jo.

"I think it was something Jo said to him when she left that stopped him, he loved her so much that he didn't want to hurt her again. He put her happiness before his own and chose to do what she wanted and respected her decision. Then a year or so later he met you," George said.

"Yes, do you think he still loves her?" Nancy asked slowly, afraid of the answer.

"He will always love her, they have been through so much but he will always respect what Jo wants and from I've seen today I think Jo has put to bed any hope that they would get back together," George said remembering the appearances of both Jo and John who refused to look at each other during court.

"Do you think he loves me?" Nancy asked just as slowly. George sighed and considered her answer a lot more carefully to not hurt Nancy, who unlike Jo had done nothing to warrant her wrath.

"I think he cares deeply for you but anything more than that you'd have to ask John," George said gently. Nancy sighed into the phone knowing that she would forever live in the shadow of Jo Mills but she would do anything to set her apart in John's eyes.

"What should I do?" Nancy asked knowing that George would probably come up with a good suggestion.

"Well as far as I'm concerned Jo won't interfere she wants John to be happy with you but you need to show John just how much you love him. Do some thing to show that you're better for him than Jo, do some thing that she never did," George suggested.

"Thanks George I appreciate it," Nancy said sincerely.

"That's alright, I have to be back in court so good luck," George said just as sincerely. Nancy thought to herself about options to separate herself from Jo in John's eyes, she thought of everything George had said and everything she didn't. She knew that John had changed like Jo had wished and was know doing his best to stop going back to his womanising ways. Nancy knew he'd do his best to be faithful to her and she thought the only thing Jo Mills didn't succeed at doing was putting a ring on John's finger.

Reviews please


	20. Redecorated

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the BBC's characters

Chapter 20:

When John arrived home that night he was prepared for a big change in the appearance of his apartment but when he entered he found it basically as it was before. All his furniture was still there but there were little editions every now and then. He walked into the lounge room and instantly noticed that the pictures containing Jo were gone and were replaced with images of Nancy. Shaking his head he went into the bedroom to check if Nancy had also disposed of the picture of Jo on his night stand and to his dismay it was gone too. He knew what Nancy was trying to do, she was trying to reassure herself and John that she was the only women in his life and that Jo no longer held that spot. He understood but this wasn't the way to do it, he needed to wake up to the image of Jo, it helped him get through the day. At the sound of a key in the lock he saw Nancy as she walked into the apartment, it was strange and John had always imagined that if he lived with someone it would be Jo.

"Hello," Nancy greeted warmly as she kissed John.

"You didn't make many changes," John observed.

"No, I like it basically the way it is," Nancy said guardedly.

"Where did you put my things that are no longer here?" John asked trying to feign a disinterest.

"I got rid of them in the trash, I didn't think you'd want them anymore now that they don't go in the house," Nancy said pointedly.

"Okay," John said disappointed but he took some comfort in the fact that he still had pictures of Jo in his photo albums.

The next day during the court lunch break John was sitting at his oak desk in his chambers looking over the facts of the case again and considering the options. Charlie and Jo's case had proven negligence on the doctor's part and it was now John's turn to decide how much the father should be awarded. He decided it would be best to let Jo know that she had won and to get her opinion on what would be appropriate compensation for her client.

"Coope can you please find Mrs Mills?" John asked.

"Of course Judge," Coope said disappearing. While working out possible numbers in his head he was interrupted by a knock at the door.

"Miss Wills to see you," Coope said returning just as quickly as she had disappeared. She turned and left as Nancy stepped in and kissed John deeply.

"This is a surprise," John said not expecting to see Nancy.

"Yes, I thought I'd come and have lunch with you," Nancy said in her usual cheerful manner. John was about to reply when another knock at his door interrupted him.

"Mrs Mills my Lord," Coope said as she looked quickly from Jo to Nancy before leaving.

"You wanted to see me," Jo said uncomfortably turning away from Nancy and directing her attention to John.

"Yes I just wanted to let you and Charlie know that I've found in your clients favour and I wanted to get your opinion on what you think is suitable compensation," John said also uncomfortable by the awkward situation.

"Well it's difficult to say but my client has been deeply affected by the whole situation especially with the doctor's complete disregard for his feelings and his insistencer in not taking responsibility. His life will never be the same and I doubt he will ever fully recover or move on, while that doctor lives happily with his perfect family and big salary," Jo said clearly not a fan of the doctor.

"Yes but will he benefit by money, I mean will that be enough for him to move on or would it be pointless?" John questioned seriously.

"How can anyone move on after the death of their wife and child? Money will never bring them back but it might bring him some closure and he might be able to keep on living normally," Jo said with all her emotions clearly on display. Nancy watched Jo and could see how passionate and determined she was and how John also had those very impressive traits.

"I understand your point, I guess I have some thinking to do," John said contemplating what Jo had said.

"Will you reach a decision by this afternoon?" Jo asked wondering whether John would simply adjourn after lunch until tomorrow so he could make his decision.

"Probably not no, I will adjourn until tomorrow so I have more time to consider my decision," John said with a flood of thoughts running through his mind.

"Have a good lunch," Jo said to Nancy and John as she exited John's chambers.

"Tough case?" Nancy asked referring to the fact that John asked for Jo's advice.

"No but it is quite difficult to award the correct compensation," John said thinking how much he would've liked it if Jo had stayed.


	21. Answers

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the BBC's characters

Chapter 21:

After a lunch of sandwiches and coffee Nancy and John went for a long walk in the grounds of the court.

"I talked to George," Nancy said wanting to be honest with John.

"Why an earth would you do that?" John said looking astonished at why Nancy would talk to George who had nothing good to say about anyone.

"I wanted to know the full story about you and Jo Mills," Nancy said softly. John sighed understanding and knowing it must have happened after she removed Jo's pictures from his home.

"You could have just asked me after all I know more than George," John said scornfully.

"I asked you but you dismissed me and weren't prepared to tell me what I wanted but George was," Nancy said desperately.

"What do you want to know?" John said resignedly knowing he had no choice but to confront the truth which he couldn't even admit to himself.

"Well why didn't you go after Jo?" Nancy asked quietly. John drew in a sharp breath at the question and wondered why it was important but he answered anyway.

"I wanted to, I really did but Jo told me that if I really loved her then I would let her go, so I did. I knew that despite how much I loved her I always kept hurting her and that wasn't fair, she deserved so much better," John sighed painfully and regrettably as he remembered all the times he had hurt Jo.

"Is Jo the reason you became a one woman man?" Nancy asked wanting to understand how he came to be who he was today.

"Well yes, Jo always wanted me to be with just her and I despite my best efforts always seemed to stray, when she left it hit me hard. I remember her asking me if it was worth it and if all those women worth it. The answer which I never told her was clear in my mind, it was no, if I could take it back I would and so I finally saw the real impact of my actions in that Jo was gone forever. It made me realise that I really, really needed to change and with Jo in mind I did," John said honestly but remorsefully at the fact he had left it to late to have any hope with Jo.

"Do you still love her?" Nancy needed to hear the answer from John to tell if he would be honest with her.

"Honestly, I still do and probably always will, she was a major part of my life and impacted and changed it in so many ways there's no way I could forget that," John said fondly.

"Was she the reason for your accident?" Nancy asked hurt that he hadn't already told her.

"I think probably mentally yes, I still feel bad to this day about what I put Jo through and that happened to be a bad day where I let things get out of control," John sad ruefully.

"Do you love me? I need to know John," Nancy said sadly and quietly, praying for an answer that would allow her to be with John.

"Of course I love you," John lied as he wrapped Nancy up in his arms and kissed her affectionately. Nancy enjoyed the comfort of his embrace and the way the words comforted her and she either didn't hear the lie in his voice or chose to ignore it.

Thanks for your reviews Jaz they've been a great help


	22. Rediscovery

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the BBC's characters

Chapter 22:

The next few weeks went by with little excitement with Jo settling back into her usual role as a barrister representing the David in the David and Goliath cases. John still enjoying having Jo's presence back in his life made no attempts at trying to bridge the awkward and murky lines in the sand that Jo had drew in their relationship. While Nancy kept enjoying the affection John was showering her with, with his increasingly happy mood.

Sitting in her office Jo was startled by the sudden shrill cry of her mobile, she quickly pushed aside the clutter of papers on her desk and grabbed the offending object.

"Hello," Jo said some what flustered.

"Hi Jo its me," John said chuckling at Jo's reaction.

"Sorry, I'm swamped at the moment and have files all over my desk, I can't find anything."

"You wouldn't happen to be looking at the Costa file would you?" John said.

"I would be yes. What's going on John?" Jo said knowing by the question that John knew something that she didn't.

"I just found out that the Costa case is being offered to Michael Niven, a safe pair of hands," John said loathing the words that came out of his mouth.

"They can't do that John, they just can't," Jo ranted. John just smiled to himself at the realisation of how lucky he was to have Jo back hit him once again.

"We both know that they can and will," John stated simply.

"I know it's just….just not fair," Jo said running out of things to say.

"It's never been fair," John said smiling at their familiar banter.

"What can we do?" Jo said resignedly knowing that John would be her only source of hope.

"Just let me see what I can do first. Are you in court this afternoon?"

"Yes I am for the Brown case," Jo said.

"Pop by when you have a free minute. I'll see you later then?" John asked.

"Yes you will," Jo said trying to stop the smile from creeping on her face from such a simple and informal invitation. Any chance at seeing John recently had brought a massive smile to Jo's face for the simple reason that for the first time in a long time she was happy and with something to look forward to.

* * *

During the lunch break of her trial Jo wondered around the grounds of the Court knowing that she would eventually find John there. As she wondered she couldn't help but reminisce on all the previous occasions that she had met John in the grounds. The forever embedded memories of John begging her not to marry Mark, when he was asking for her advice in a case or for help in his latest crusade. As well as the memories she would rather forget, when he informed her of one of his many one night stands. Despite the pain and happiness that these memories stirred in her Jo was unable to get rid of the images of John kissing her in the grounds and of him confessing his love to her. Hugging herself tightly to control the rush of emotions that these images caused Jo looked up to see John swiftly approaching her.

"Jo, how's your case going?" John said in greeting

"Well, since I managed to get one of the key prosecution witnesses to admit that they lied, I'd say very well," Jo said recalling the break through moment in her case. John smiled proudly at her and Jo found herself smiling brightly back at him.

Aware that she was beginning to fall back under John's spell Jo straightened and got to the point, "the Costa case?"

John smiled inwardly to himself noting the familiar way that Jo was shutting him out but it was the fact that he had managed to sneak in, even if for a second which kept his smile firmly in place. "Well given that the defendant is an oil tycoon who supplies this country with numerous jobs and has close links to government officials, the Home Office want this case to quietly go away."

"It's not going to go away quietly, the media frenzy when he was arrested was astounding and the evidence against him is sound." Jo said not surprised by what John was saying.

"That may be the case but if Michael Niven was to hear the case he would definitely make sure that any sentence was virtually non existent. Not to mention that the Home Office would be playing the role of interference and be bound to start playing games with your case." John said.

"Well we won't let them," Jo said confidently looking at John expectantly.

The use of 'we' rather than 'I' was not lost on John or Jo. "Well I'm trying to get my hands on the case and we will just have to be very careful," John said relishing the idea of a new challenge to face with Jo.

Jo smiled back in understanding that the fight was now on and was just glad that once again John was on her side. "It feels good to be doing this again," John said honestly.

"You've always relished a fight John," Jo said recalling all his previous battles.

"But never without you with me," John once again said with brutal honesty and looking Jo right in the eyes.

"We do make a good team," Jo conceded, not wanting to be the one to break eye contact.

"We always will," John stated simply and Jo's eyes softened.

But just as quickly as the moment started it was gone with Coop yelling urgently "Judge! Judge!"

Neither John nor Jo broke eye contact until Jo looked down and muttered "You better go."

Looking intently at her face until Jo looked back up John said in a whisper "I'll see you later," and walked off towards Coop, with Jo left shivering in his wake.


	23. Closer

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the BBC's characters

Chapter 23:

John and Jo barely had time to talk to each other for a week until John was looking over the Costa file which he had somehow managed to get into his possession.

"Coop, can you find Mrs Mills please?" John asked looking up from the files in front of him. Coop simply nodded and headed out to find her.

Minutes later Coop strolled back into the room "Mrs Mills, my Lord."

"Thanks Coop," he said in a dismissive manner as she left.

"Is that the Costa file?" Jo said curiously from across John's sturdy wooden desk.

"It sure is," John said mischievously.

"Do I want to know how you managed to get it?" Jo asked with an eyebrow raised.

"Probably not," John said with a wink in Jo's direction. Surprised by the way her stomach flipped at the wink Jo abruptly took a step back from the desk.

Aware of the shift in the mood John said "are you ready for the trial?"

"I am but are you?" Jo said while pointing to the massive bundle of files.

"I know the trial starts on Monday and I still have a lot to get through but I will be ready," John said confidently.

A thick silence engulfed the pair when Jo said "I have to go, lots of work to do."

"Of course, I'll see you in court," John said with a loving gaze in Jo's direction. Even though Jo averted her eyes John knew that after their moment in the grounds, now was the time to push if he seriously wanted Jo back.

* * *

The morning session on the first day of court in the Costa case had been eventful with Brian Cantwell trying to get John off the case due to his relationship with Jo. It was the first time in a while that that line by a barrister was not met with frustration from John but with resignation and disappointment. Then John had the unfortunate honour of refusing Jo's request that one of her key witnesses have their identity hidden and give evidence behind a screen. Walking back to his chambers he knew a livid Jo would soon follow.

However when he opened the door he was surprised to see Nancy there holding a container of his favourite biscuits and smiling warmly

"hello you," Nancy said walking up to John and kissing him.

John responded and the pulled back and with a questioning glare asked "what are you doing her? I thought you had work."

"I do but I thought I'd drop these by," Nancy said pointing at the biscuits "that way you can keep your strength up."

"Thankyou," John said sincerely as he took the biscuits and placed them on his desk.

A knock interrupted their conversation as Coop walked in "Mrs Mills my Lord." Jo followed behind and looked about ready to explode. Nancy looked from the enraged Jo to the amused looking John.

"I can't believe you," Jo yelled. Surprised at the out burst Nancy looked at John who still looked amused.

"Do you have any idea what you've just done?" Jo yelled getting angrier and walking till she was just centimetres from John who was now sitting on the edge of his desk.

"I had no choice. Mr Costa has the right to face his accuser," John said with a smile. Nancy feeling left out of the conversation and happy that they were arguing waved at John who was too engrossed in watching Jo boil with anger to wave back as she slipped out of the room unnoticed.

"So you are going to sacrifice Ms Kemps safety and put her life in danger?" Jo continued in her rant, "just because of your principles?" With a quick pause for breath she continued "I shouldn't even be surprised, this is exactly what you do. You put yourself and your principles above everything else, even if it is the life of an innocent young woman who happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. She is scared John that she could be killed for witnessing one of Mr Costa's corrupt dealings. Being apart of the justice system compels us to protect the innocent including Ms Kemp. How is anybody expected to come forward and give evidence if they know that their safety means nothing?" Jo ranted out of breath.

"Jo I know but I can not justify taking away one of Mr Costa's civil rights because once you take away one it is slippery slope." John replied enjoying the passionate glint in Jo's eyes that came from a fight.

"There is nothing just about putting the life of an innocent woman on the line," Jo said calming down slightly.

"You know Jo that I don't like doing this but I must," John stated.

"So it's all for the greater good is it?" Jo said sarcastically.

"You know me better than that," John said calmly, as he reached out and put his hands on Jo's hips. As Jo felt John's large, warm hands enclose around her hips she revelled in the warmth and familiarity. She lost her train of thought and got lost in John's eyes which were staring intently into hers.

"I've missed you," John said in a husky voice afraid to end the moment.

"I've been back for months now," Jo said caught in the moment.

"I've missed this. Being close to you," John whispered in Jo's ear. Jo closed her eyes as she felt John's breath in her ear and tried unsuccessfully to stop the electrifying thrill it sent through her. John noticing Jo's closed eyes slowly removed one of his hands and gently caressed her face. Jo leant into the caress for a moment before her head took control and she suddenly pulled away from John. Going back into her protective shell Jo once again wrapped her arms around herself and stared intently at John. John wasn't surprised by Jo's actions but was pleased that he had been able to push so far.

"Please John, I can't," Jo pleaded.

"You can Jo and more importantly you want to," John replied reaching his hand out for Jo.

She waved off his arm and responded "I can't get hurt again and I need you to respect me and my decision."

John looked ashamed at the fact that he had caused Jo so much pain "I won't hurt you again Jo."

"I can't take that risk so please let me, let us go," Jo pleaded again.

"You know I can't and you also know that you don't want me to," John said confidently.

"Part of me will neve want to let us go John but we have to," and with that Jo turned on her heels and walker out the door leaving behind a worried John.


	24. Comfort

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the BBC's characters

Chapter 24:

The trial was slowly progressing with a thick blanket of tension evident between John and Jo. Jo was also avoiding any contact with John outside of court, hoping that some distance would finally put to bed her feelings for him. However she knew that distance would not stop her feelings for John and nothing probably would. After a long and stressful day in court filled with witnesses who had been intimidated Jo went to Charlie's flat for dinner. The two women were both watching some television with a glass of wine each and were both engrossed in their own thoughts when Charlie finally broached the subject she was dying to find out about.

"So things with you and dad seem a little tense at the moment," Charlie said fishing for information.

"They are. I don't think he has fully grasped the concept of us being over for good," Jo said averting her gaze from Charlie's inquisitive stare.

"Well dad never has been good at anything to do with relationships. Plus you do know that when it comes to you he won't give up?" Jo simply nodded so Charlie continued "did something happen between you to?"

"No nothing happened," Jo asserted looking at Charlie as she took another sip of wine.

"Knowing dad he would have wished something had happened. You though Jo I bet you wished something had happened and now you're punishing yourself for it," Charlie said on the mark.

"Nothing can happen," Jo affirmed more to herself than to Charlie. Suddenly Jo's mobile began to ring and she put her glass down and hurried to find it in her handbag.

"Raymond," Jo said in greeting to her boss.

"Jo the Sussex police just phoned and informed me that Ms Julie Kemp was shot and killed about two hours ago when she gave her security detail the slip." Jo couldn't believe that her main witness was dead. Yes Julie Kemp had already given evidence but if anything happened and the trial didn't reach a conclusion her evidence would be gone forever.

"Jo?" Raymond questioned concern evident in his voice.

"Thanks," Jo replied in shock before hanging up.

"What happened?" Charlie asked coming across to stand in front of Jo.

"Julie Kemp is dead," Jo said simply. Charlie just nodded since she knew about the Costa case. Jo grabbed her bag and headed straight for the door to Charlie's flat.

"Nancy has night shift tonight so she wont be home," Charlie shouted after Jo, knowing from past experience that when things went wrong Jo would turn to her dad. Jo didn't even register what she was doing as she drove to John's apartment, she was on autopilot. Being let in by the landlord who still remembered her Jo found herself once again banging on John's front door. Opening the front door in his trademark open necked white shirt and trousers John took one look at an obviously distressed Jo and silently let her pass into his home.

When they were finally facing each other in the kitchen Jo began "Julie Kemp is dead." John just shook his head in disbelief and in pain knowing exactly where this conversation was going to go.

"How?"

"She was shot while trying to give her security the slip," Jo said as some tears began to silently roll down her cheeks.

"You gave them her name and you put her in this situation. I warned you," Jo cried as the tears kept flowing until they turned into sobs.

"I know," John said wearily as he closed the gap between them and engulfed her in a tight embrace. Initially Jo fought the comfort John was offering and tried to pull away but John refused to let go of her. With the tears increasing Jo gave up the struggle and let John hold her as she cried on his shoulder.


	25. Hope

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the BBC's characters

Chapter 24:

As Jo's tears began to subside John rubbed his hand up and down her back and kissed the top of her head lovingly. A sniffle later and Jo pulled back from John but still remained in a loose embrace with her hands on his chest.

"I'm sorry for barging in, blaming you and ruining your night," Jo said as she removed one hand to wipe the remaining tears on her face before resting it once again on John's chest.

"Don't be. You were rightly upset and you could never ruin my night," John said looking at Jo intently.

"Now your shirt is all wet," Jo said playing with the big tear stain on John's shirt.

"Doesn't matter," John replied "you're all that matters."

"John," Jo whispered but before either of them could say anything else John pulled Jo so their bodies were touching and leant in and kissed her passionately. Jo initially surprised by the contact reacted by deepening the kiss and moving her hands from being squished between their bodies to roaming up and down John's back. The kiss rapidly spiralled into another and another until John began to undo the first button on Jo's shirt, when she stilled his hand and pulled away slightly but was still in John's embrace.

"Jo," John whispered not sure what was going on.

"We can't," Jo reasoned.

"We can Jo and we both want to. I love you," John said tightening his grip on her.

"I know you do and you know that despite everything I will always love you," Jo said some what sadly.

"I know I don't deserve you Jo but I have changed give me the chance to show you," John begged.

"I know that you have changed John but because of that I can't be with you. I'm not going to be the other woman again and you changed to become the committed man to Nancy, not me. Who's to say that this one women way of life that you seem to have adapted to will stay if you are with me?" Jo said sadly breaking free of John's embrace but still standing close to him.

"I'll leave Nancy Jo. She means nothing compared to," John said taking a step forward towards Jo but she just took a step back.

"Don't hurt her John not after everything she has done for you. She loves you and wants to be with you, give her a chance," Jo said trying to keep her composure.

"I don't want to hurt her Jo but it will hurt less if it happens now rather than later. Plus you love me and want to be with me, don't you?"

Jo just smiled wistfully and said "I had my chance, we had our chance and we blew it numerous times. Maybe our time is finally over."

Grabbing Jo's arm John pulled her to him forcefully and kissed her again but this time it was hard and insistent. Jo shocked at the forcefulness tried to pull back but John just pulled her back until she was kissing him back.

As quickly as it started they parted for air and John said in a rough voice with dishevelled hair and darkened eyes "did that feel like we were over? Cause I know to me that definitely felt like we had only just begun."

Jo still trying to bring her breathing back to even just stared at John before replying "no it didn't feel like we were over but John I need to gather my thoughts and falling into bed with you now will not help either of us."

Nodding John quickly moved forward again and placed a tender and lingering kiss on Jo's lips which was full of promise. Reluctantly they both parted and Jo walked past John and out the door but they both wore matching expressions of joy at the love they had which had never died but which they had rekindled and given a new life.


End file.
